07. Ace
New year, new thoughts, Terrible Writing.
First, a brief life update
With a joke: How do you avoid your commute on Tuesday? You get fired on Monday. (I should be more careful with that joke, it’s an antique!) Friends, I am between jobs. I’ve been saving up, so there’s no cause for panic, thanks. My workplace was getting somewhat uncomfy, and I was already thinking of looking for another job, so this is just a kick in the pants.
If you would like to support me while I’m trying to make my way, I’ve turned on the option for paid subscriptions. The main benefit of a paid subscription (aside from giving your support to a fellow human being) is access to the archive of posts. If you choose to add a paid subscription, you have my eternal (or monthly, at least) gratitude.
Also, please pray for me; I covet your prayers.
For an issue inspired by Valentine’s Day, I suppose I should publish it by the end of the month
On 02-11, I called a contra dance. The specific dances that I called had titles like,
Bob’s Valentine
February Contra
Heart of Joy
Lucky Seven
The following Saturday, 02-18, I called another dance, with some of the same dances, but none of the above four. Instead, I used “Happy as a Cold Pig in Warm Mud” and “Unlucky Seven”. What happened between those two dates?
Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is not my favorite. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of the sour-faced grousers complaining about fake “Hallmark holiday crap”. The celebration of love on the feast day of St. Valentine goes back to the 8th century, and I’m all for it.
Except that it’s rarely for me.
Readers, I am chronically single. I have had just one relationship that went longer than a year. I have lived in Chicago for 7 years and I’ve only dated one person. Valentine’s Day just isn’t relevant to me.
What is ace?
“Ace” is short for asexual (the prefix a- meaning “without”). The complementary term is “allosexual”, for people who do not identify as asexual. Asexuality exists on at least two spectrums, for romantic feelings and for sexual feelings. These two spectrums are different from spectrums for orientation and gender.
Just as there are many locations between straight and gay, between cis and trans, there are many locations between ace and allo. And then these different spectrums can intersect in many ways.
Take Moose, for an example
I’m a cis man, gay, and homoromantic demisexual. Or maybe I’m “grey ace”? Either way, I’m not allo. I have a lower sex drive than average, and while I may dream of romance, I don’t often pursue it. It’s okay if this is confusing to you. Sexuality is confusing for most people. I’ve been getting used to using demi/grey ace labels for just a few years now, and I’m still sometimes confused.
Then Heartstopper
Have you seen this show on Netflix? I highly recommend it. It is an adorable story of two high school boys who slowly discover and share their mutual feelings. It’s colorful and kawaii and it makes me squee. ^_^ I watched season one twice through.
And then I read all four volumes of the original graphic novels. Then I read the two novellas and now I’m paging through the Heartstopper Yearbook. These stories about Nick & Charlie have really opened up my heart. It makes me question how ace I really am (I’m still ace, tho).
It also makes me wish I had a different adolescence
Seriously, I wish my teen years were different.
I grew up in a context where I initially learned that being gay is bad, and that carves a deep groove. Add to this the fact that most men are not gay and some are violently anti-gay, then my resulting framework is that for anyone I’m attracted to: most likely they are categorically NOT attracted to me (or if not by category, then by taste), and a few may be dangerous.
So I don’t put myself out there a lot. I mean, it feels like casting a fishing rod knowing that most fish either aren’t biting, don’t like your lure, or may pull you into the water. So why even try. I don’t even like fishing.
That being said, however, it is still my secret goal at every contra dance to make a special connection and fusion dance like in Steven Universe.
So I suppose I can also ask for help with this. If you’d like to set me up, let’s talk.
Finally, a list
I talked about making lists like those in The Pillow Book of Seishonagon, and I wasn’t kidding. Here’s a prompt from her book.
Things that make one’s heart beat fast:
caffeine
sometimes, low blood sugar
a call from an unknown number
a text from someone who probably has bad news so one does not even want to open it
one’s boss schedules a meeting but doesn’t say what it’s about. Absolutely terrifying!
while walking somewhere, one is greeted by a stranger’s friendly pet
when approaching the train station, one sees that the train is just arriving and one must dash to board it
while out and about, one notices an armed person, even if they are a police officer. This is very frightening, even more than people would admit
a nice-looking person is at the dance and one learns that they are a good dancer, even if they are new
when a dance partner looks into one’s eyes
when a good friend and excellent dancer asks for the next dance